The current trend in Internet Dating has been the use of a”computer personality test” of some type. Websites claim that these tests, usually developed by a “top psychologist”, have the ability to understand you and your needs through a series of questions. Confused? Lost in love? Problems communicating? Do not worry, the Online Dating Hal 5000 can figure out you! In actuality, once you’re done, this computer program will understand your needs and desires better than you do.
Recall the Broadway play”Fiddler on The Roof”? You may not, it was the first Broadway play I went to when I was seven. A song that always stuck in my mind for some reason was”matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match…” The song begins as a plea to the matchmaker to bring true love straight to the altar; somebody beautiful, wealthy, intelligent, and perfect.
But at the end of the song, the singer realizes that the Matchmaker may not be up to the job. She decides that “playing with matches, a girl can get burned”.
So, do these tests really work?
Personality tests have a very long history. Really, really smart guys with names like Freud, Maslov, Fromm, and Jung developed respected psychological concepts, and these theories are used as the foundation for all sorts of tests. “The Big Five” theory suggests that there are five dimensions of personality: openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Some popular personality tests use this as a base. Others go the”Big Three” route, which does away with the”openness” and”agreeableness” measurements – largely because it is much easier to remember.
I joke a little about these theories, but the fact remains that they have survived the test of time and there’s a great deal of scientific research behind them. The actual question is if these tests can be effective in applying a theory to the complexity of a human being. Add to this the extra layer of meshing your answers with another, equally intricate person. That is a tall order.
People have spontaneous behavior that simply can not be measured when they are sitting, relaxed and introspective, taking these tests. Often our answers reflect our ideal (or optimistic ) notion of ourselves. Even if we’re trying our best to be honest, our spontaneous behavior in real life scenarios can be much different than we would expect.
Another wildcard is charm. We can meet somebody who’s empirically good-looking, has a similar background, is successful and kind – and yet we are not attracted. Often we can not explain why we like someone else. It might be the way they make us laugh, a crooked smile – even how they smell! Sometimes little things that are immeasurable in their own can jointly make us attracted.
Human beings and our emotions and desires are far too complicated, and a computer program can not solve the riddles of our intimate lives. As Jung put it,”the meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances; when there’s a reaction both are transformed”. It seems great, but even Jung was hedging his bet when it comes to love. What’s going to cause two individuals to respond to one another? The developers of the analysis of character wouldn’t presume that a set of questions could predict love.
If you rely solely on matchmaking services, you’re missing the whole beauty of online dating. The beauty is chance. Online dating offers you an almost limitless opportunity to meet and date new folks. It gives you the time and space to find what best suits you. Going to a quality dating site that is not attempting to sell you dream of finding your match for you will mean you’ll have a pool of millions of singles to meet.
Heal matchmaking options as just another fun way to explore. It can act as an ice breaker to start a conversation, but do not expect them to be the answer to finding your perfect match. Keep all options open and explore possibilities. As a special person, just can you know what works for you. You want to develop skills to communicate and meet people. Developing both offline and online dating skills is the perfect way to find the appropriate relationship.
Next time you are brushing your teeth, have a look at the mirror. See that incredible person? That is your matchmaker with a mouthful of toothpaste. Take control of your life and get into action! Love dating and enjoy the process of discovery. Your experiences, both good and not-so-good, are crucial to finding the ideal person for you.