Sometimes we want a hiatus from dating. A “hiatus” is a break in something that normally has continuity. You might have heard this expression used along with tv shows:”The series is going on hiatus until shooting starts for next year.” That means that the actors and crew are taking a break until work begins again.
The Brick Wall
So how do you know it’s time to think about a dating hiatus? It’s when you have been dating for several months or years and seem no closer to meeting the proper person than when you began. It’s when you have been dating a series of individuals but nothing of substance develops with some of these. Are you starting to feel as if you are just beating your head against a brick wall? It will feel much better if you just opt to STOP.
You have gotten yourself in a rut. You keep doing the very same things to satisfy new people but each connection just peters out and goes nowhere. You’re beginning to feel so frustrated that is it is affecting your relationships with family and friends. You are just grumpy and negative a lot of this time. You are losing hope of ever finding someone to love and getting cynical and sarcastic about your own future. Rather than moving forward you are going into a tailspin.
Before you allow this state of mind deteriorate to a full-blown melancholy, there’s something you can do to change itgo on hiatus! If you are on a losing streak and it keeps getting worse rather than better, then do what any wise trainer does for a player in that circumstance. Take yourself out of this game for a while.
Break the Pattern
When what you’ve been doing just is not working, it is time to stop, break the routine and do something different. If you’re slipping into a state of distress and frustration, this might be the time when you’re unhappy enough to look at doing some personal growth and spiritual work. Sad but true, the majority of us don’t take action to change until the pain of changing is less than the pain of remaining the same.
This is when you are motivated to discover a link to God or Spirit or Higher Power or whatever you call the hidden force that created our world. This is when you are open to learning a new way to think and a new set of principles to believe in and live by that will take you from your misery and place you back in control of your life.
If this is where you are now, do not beat yourself up because you have not discovered the love relationship you so ardently desire. The best boxer in the world sometimes has to go down for the count before he can get up and begin fighting again. Give yourself a break and have a rest from the dating scene.
Going On Hiatus
As soon as you make up your mind firmly and decide you’re going on a dating hiatus, you may immediately begin to feel a bit better. That’s because you’ve taken control of your life again and have stopped searching for somebody else to make you feel alright. Next time some well-meaning buddy asks you who you are dating you don’t need to feel like a loser or a second-class citizen because you are alone. You can just say,”Oh, I am on hiatus at the moment. I have decided to not date for some time.” It’s a choice you’ve made, not an undesirable situation you found yourself in. You’re in control and you are feeling better!
Now is the time to take this class you have been meaning to take, start going to church, find a therapist or counselor or support group. Read a book or two about religious principles, study the bible or other scriptures that interest you. Return to your spiritual roots or explore a few different doctrine that intrigues you. Try a meditation or yoga or dance class. Take the hours and hours you used to spend online in the dating websites and invest them instead.
Learning how to release bitterness and resentment is a required step, but one which lots of individuals are reluctant to take. If you’re having trouble finding and keeping a fantastic partner today, odds are there is some anger within a past hurt buried in you that is a part of the cause.
You do not need to”forgive” and pretend that anything they did was not wrong, but if you don’t release those angry feelings, and stop giving them your attention, you will never be free of the influence. Doing this emotional work might not be much fun and you may resent the fact that you have to do it! But if you’ve got the guts you can find a way and it’ll make a tremendous difference in your next relationship. I can vouch for that.
This relationship hiatus idea might appear too extreme and radical to you at this time. However, the more people you date and the more miserable you get, the longer it will begin to make sense to you. If all you do is take a rest for some time, but do not do anything to make desired changes within yourself during that time, then you can not expect to get better results when you begin dating again. A relationship hiatus works only if you work it!
How long should it take? There are no hard and fast rules about this. It all depends upon how much growth and change you need before you can create a different outcome on your own. My guess is a minimum of six months to an average of several years.
Does this seem impossible for you at the moment? If you can not stand the notion of not having a date for six months, then you’re in a precarious state of mind, depending way too much on being in a relationship to make you feel alright. A dating hiatus might be exactly what you need, but you might not be prepared to accept that yet. It takes patience and the determination to stick with it for however long it takes. In our culture of immediate gratification and the quick-fix, folks do not like hearing this, but it’s the reality.
Give it a time and when the timing is ideal for you (or whenever you’re sufficiently frustrated and miserable ), you may know. When it is done with the proper motivation, a dating hiatus along with some personal growth work can be your ticket to a better future. You’ll go back in the dating game with a real chance of winning next time.